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Its been 2 months or something

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Oct. 23rd, 2007 | 06:55 pm

In the past 2 months, i still haven't gotten another job. I broke my ribs. I went to a concert and broke my ribs again. I got into a fight with my girl, on sunday because she ditched me on sweetest day which pissed me the fuck off not to mention it hurt like hell. Told her she can just go the fuck away, i wasn't dealing with it. Got my shit off her yesterday, tyhen satand talked to her for 3 hours, hopeing to work things out because i do love her more then i want to admit. She wanted to stay friends, she insits on the fact that she cares, but i can tell she doesnt care at all. But she begged me to stay in her life, as her friend, and i refuse to do it. But as i sat and talked to her, i came to the realization, that she really doesn't give a fuck about me, yet she constantly said she did. If she did, then she wouldn't of ditched me on sweetest day, she would of at least gave me a phone call. After the talk, I gave her the finger and told her to fuck the fuck off. She looked all sad and shit, kinda depressed about it, so i opened the door again and told her the most meanest, hurtful thing i could think of at the time which was

"youre nothing more then some slut that tried to use me for my money but i fooled you, i didnt have money and i used you for the sex. which was the worst sex i ever had!"

I felt horrible after saying that because none of it was true.. eitherway I felt terrible and I wanted to call her and apologize all night, but I knew what I had done and I knew I couldn't ever call her again. I know that i just got her out of my life, but i am regretting it with every passing moment. I care alot about her, and even if we are just friends she will still being my life. But do I really want that kind of person in my life? More importantly, do I really want to put myself through the pain and torment that I will endure each time i see her if i keep her in my life. These are the questions plagueing my mind and it sucks because i dont have the answers.

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